Ω. Taking stock of a life stage.

I searched for answers to “why all this?” and “how to find inner joy and peace?”. I tried every external source available—from society, spiritual practices, and science to cultures, religions, books, and films. None fit. I found my own path. It isn’t new, but I hope the way I present it will be clear. If not—ask me (contacts below).

To clarify “my coordinates” and the path to my current state, I’ll briefly lay out my story.

I think my articles and/or videos may interest those who “wander before dawn”—who already see more than others but haven’t gained clarity yet. Some “architects,” philosophers, and macro-finance folks might also find it useful: tools for presentation, observation, etc. And to those who “know,” I send a friendly salute—if you “carry the light”!

The first article frames the questions, and the final article-presentation proposes “Vecheism: An Organizational Constructor” as an alternative interaction system, building on DAO and extending it toward centralization and hierarchy.

Meanings of the symbols I use can be found in the Appendix.

Artiom Kovnatsky

Last edited: July 2, 2025

Background

The beginning

I love my mom and dad and I’m grateful to them for everything.

When the USSR collapsed, irreversible changes hit our family. The weight of the transition broke my mother’s psyche—she fell ill. My father couldn’t lead the family, organize her treatment, or find his footing in the new world, effectively handing over the reins to my ill mother.

Saying it was hard is an understatement.

Survival and awareness

Early on I understood: there was no one to rely on. I had to survive and “stand on my own feet,” accepting any help from my parents while minimizing their destructive influence.

I also tried not to blame external circumstances—neither my parents, nor the country, nor friends, nor “enemies.” If something rubbed me the wrong way (laws, anthem, coat of arms, etc.), I would detach, leave, and sever ties internally.

Since childhood (around 1991), I suffered periodic headaches—so strong that I couldn’t endure them without pills and compresses.

Chaos as part of me

The “madhouse” at home and in the country after the USSR’s collapse moved inside me. It became part of my inner world.

The lack of experience with calm, trust, and living contact with people echoed later:

• Conflicts,
• Needless suspicion,
• Trouble with long-term relationships,
• …

Attempts to open up in the family ended badly—I shut down even more.

Moving to Israel

In 2001 our family moved to Israel, largely thanks to my initiative. My parents wanted to give me and my sister education and a better life, since prospects in Mykolaiv were dim. Importantly, in a safer environment and a specific climate, my mother’s health stabilized and slowly improved.

I entered Technion to study mathematics—a subject I always loved. Numbers are always objective and don’t lie; a “C” is just a “C,” which helps you see clearly what you’re dealing with. I wasn’t given a dorm room because my parents lived nearby, so I spent both my bachelor’s and master’s at home.

Studying was hard—not because the material was difficult (my brain is quite powerful), but because of the “accumulated baggage” and the situation at home.

First psychotherapy

By the end of my bachelor’s I realized: my feelings were disproportionate to circumstances, and it hurt both studies and relationships.

Reasoning mathematically:

• Attempts A, B, C brought no results.
• So I need to try something new—say, P (psychologist).

Technion offered free anonymous help to students.

My first honest talk with a living person released a lot of energy. In a year I:

• Cleared all backlogs (completed courses at nearly double pace),
• Made the dean’s list,
• Got into the master’s program.

The path after

Then came:

• A PhD in Switzerland under a talented professor,
• Travel around the world,
• A failed first marriage,
• Disappointment with academia,
• True love (with a flight attendant from a Tel Aviv—Milan flight),
• Moving to Berlin,
• My first job in the field,
• …

The “Satori” retreat

In 2015, after the divorce, I stumbled upon the “Satori” Retreat by Max Krasochkin.

What hooked me was Vladimir Shamshurin’s story of his experience. I realized: this is exactly what I need—tranquility and inner answers.

But I put the decision off.

The 2019 crisis

In December 2019 I myself broke up with the woman I loved (the one mentioned above) by setting impossible conditions.

At first I buried myself in projects:

• Studying German for a permanent residence permit,
• Freelance work authorization,
• …

But that brought no inner peace.

Later I realized my mistake—I tried to win her back, but it was too late. I hurt someone I loved because I was afraid to open up and be rejected.

Since 2014 I had worked with a psychoanalyst (to “slow me down” in crises). But at that key moment she “missed it.”

The turning point

I decided: enough. I had to clean the “Augean stables” inside.

Realizing I had hurt the one I loved triggered everything:

• Childhood traumas,
• Deep resentments,
• Suppressed emotions,
• Aggression,
• …

A painful yet necessary transformation began.

Retreat: the breakthrough

In March 2020 I went to “Satori,” ready either to get answers or die.

Core exercise: working with the koan “Tell me, who is inside?”—paired sessions where you express everything that arises. The core exercise is supported by “dynamic,” breathing, and other practices.

Conditions:

• No pills,
• No mirrors or eye contact,
• Strict schedule,
• Special diet.

First 1.5 days: mounting tension.

Peak:

• Hellish headache (for the first time I endured it without pills!),
• Vomiting,
• A surge of rage toward the “pseudo-scientific methods of the master and everyone around.”

A sea of anger, pain, and resentment poured out.

Inner images

Childhood traumas surfaced: forgotten yet unprocessed scenes.

Inside I saw:

• A house—beautiful outside but with rotting corpses inside,
• A well—once with clean water, now full of filth,
• A lake—poisoned, acid instead of water, teeming with monsters.

I devoted the remaining time to “cleaning” these spaces.

Physical collapse

I fully expressed what was inside: screamed, hit pillows, etc.—to the limit. As a result:

• I lost my voice.
• My legs were paralyzed (presumably burst blood vessels in the brain), and I fell onto the mats (sensation returned after a few minutes).

The master read the parables of the “Ten Bulls of Zen”. They used to seem like nonsense, but now every line was about me and my journey.

A new perception of reality—other worlds exist

After “Satori” my perception of the world and reality changed for a time. For a while I:

• “Felt people’s energy” (for example, the predatory power of a restaurant owner over his territory and knew exactly who the owner was),

• “Knew” where things were in unfamiliar places—and found them there.

A friend of mine, a special-forces veteran, described something loosely similar from combat:

“On the edge of life and death all senses sharpen. I heard the whistle of shells, knew whether they were headed at us or past. I saw people through, without masks. That state lingered for a while after the operation back in civilian life.”

It seems dormant abilities awaken under extreme conditions.

After

Back in Berlin I faced:

• Covid restrictions,
• Getting laid off.

And then something happened that split life into “before” and “after”…

The dream and the “Conscious Madness” practice

The dream-insight

On July 6, 2020 I had a dream comparable to Mendeleev’s insight. I realized and “saw” the existence of a SYSTEM—the collective unconscious. Since this is outside this article’s scope, I may write or present it later.

What I experienced next aligns with what’s written in the Bible. That gave me enough “critical evidence” for my level of skepticism and unbelief to conclude: the “essence of what’s written” in the Bible is true, and God exists.

Consequences of awakening

From that moment I began to see:

• How social mechanisms are arranged.
• The role of the SYSTEM in our lives.

I dove into studying this new understanding of myself and the world at large. The part concerning the external world and the influence of the SYSTEM—the collective unconscious—on society and the economy I called the “Theory of Socio-Economic Systems.” In this context you can think of the “SYSTEM” as the “brain” of the “invisible hand of the market” per Smith.

The “Conscious Madness” practice

This practice is like a “Satori” retreat lived in real life: total expression and experiencing of everything inside you at every moment. I decided to go all the way, setting only two rules:

1. Do not harm others (I could do as I pleased with myself).
2. Do not scare children.

The practice felt like deep-sea dives:

• I “dived” into exploring the subconscious.
• I “surfaced” to discuss with a friend and a psychoanalyst, and wrote things down to “unload” consciousness and make room for new “insights.”
• I expressed everything I found inside—through shouting, movement, words, messages, emails—anything that didn’t violate rules 1 and 2.

In the process I:

1. Examined everything that came into “my world”: where it came from, how it arrived, what role it played, what unconscious programs it carried, etc.
2. Reached the very basics—for example, discovering how my mom’s lullabies (“don’t sleep on the edge… the little wolf will bite”) planted fears, etc.
3. Released aggression, pain, resentment—and in their place I felt a huge amount of love for everything—I even shouted about it to passersby.
4. …

For example, during the practice I “saw” the mechanism by which large corporations literally program our children on an unconscious level using modern knowledge about psyche formation. Metaphorically it resembles “The Matrix”: from early childhood certain neural connections are formed, shaping psyche and brain development so they will supply their “energy” (money) to these corporations for life (and so will their descendants). I shared this insight with a friend, got immediate validation, and did a superficial internet check. Five years later (July 2025), while working on the article “The Most Advanced (Business) Marketing” in the series “Beyond the Obvious” inspired by my experience, I found the work of Clotaire Rapaille, which corroborates my observations.

The SYSTEM tried every which way to interfere:

• Strange calls from Africa.
• Weird invitations to groups.
• Unexpected offers from women.
• People changing plans to get in my way.
• … Similar to how in our world someone going against “the system” meets resistance; the same, it turns out, happens in the “spiritual world.”

— Many events are documented in my old phone.

Breakthrough

The culmination came when I ended up in the forest and after a 9-hour night practice at home:

• I experienced merging with the world—sounds disappeared, then returned in pulses,
• I felt absolute serenity for the first time,
• I “understood” birds and living things—their songs turned out to be expressions of love for Life… and for me.

But the main thing—I found what I was looking for: a lived experience of absolute oneness with life and complete calm and peace inside, at a depth unreachable even by the earliest mother-wounds and traumas… beyond and deeper than all that.

To the reader

1. The external is an illusion: Chasing the material is a dead end that distracts from the answer.
2. Tools are not the Answer: Popular retreats (“Vipassana,” etc.), meditation apps, etc.—can be part of the problem, drawing you into a more comfortable, advanced illusion.
3. You can do it!
4. Seek help: If it’s hard, reach out to vetted professionals (and, if it’s available to you at your stage, pray to God). You are not alone.

Ω

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“As with everyone, you’ve been in chains since birth. Since birth in a prison you cannot smell or touch. A jail for the mind.”